Puppy, Puppy, I Love You!

Puppy is my world! I never ever thought I could love someone sooo much. I actually thought that I wouldn't be able to have any children before him, maybe not after. I had 3 miscarriages before Puppy, the worst being the last of the 3, at 4 months along. I also had one after Puppy.

This last miscarriage was the final good-bye to my marriage. I went to the hospital alone. It didn't even occur to me to call my then husband to come up from California. We had just hit our 1 year mark of being separated by 2 states. I hadn't seen him in almost 9 weeks for whatever reason he had given. In a one year span, we had gone from every other weekend to a 9 week stretch. I simply just thought, "Why bother." That says it all, doesn't it? When I got home from the hospital, I called an attorney that day and I filed 3 days later on a Monday. I was done grieving the loss of my marriage. A little backwards, I know.

Unlike a lot of people that find out their spouse is having an affair. I found out my spouse HAD an affair. I was already on the train to Never Again. It was the best news anyone could have given me at that point. I had been feeling selfish for filing, my needs weren't being met and I was judging for Puppy that his needs were also not being met. So, in finding out during the divorce proceedings, it was my validation. It was the pat on the back. It was simply, "I did the right thing." Breath in, breath out. I have finally exhaled.

I will be the first to admit that Puppy definitely has his moments, so he is far from being perfect. Let me get that out right now. I am not one of those parents that thinks their child is perfect and can do no wrong, or pretend to the public that he is so.

I am also far from perfect, but I am a hands on kind of parent. When Puppy was on my hip 24/7 those first few years, I took him with me everywhere to do everything, no matter how inconvenient or difficult. I lived 2 states away from my entire family, all my friends. My in-laws were of no help. Puppy was Grandma Party Pants' only grand baby. We lived 20 minutes away and she could only spend time with him once a month. That's right, once. His Auntie Baby Me may have spent time alone with him once a year? Maybe. She is too busy being taken care of by her Husband. Please know that I am fond of Auntie Baby Me and Uncle Play House. They are very kind and generous, just very involved with each other. Dick. Well, we already know I was being paid to do Dick's part. It was so annoying how he would transform into this live action figure, Super Dad when we had guests to witness his parenting! Perhaps that's why I was such a great host! I think we had a revolving kitchen door. I always cooked extra because we never knew who would join us for dinner. Our home was called The B&B. OK, rambling on and on here...

I treat Puppy as a person and not so much as a child, or at least I try my best. I talk to him, not at him. I explain things so that he can learn and be self-sufficient as an adult. I involve him in most things. I cook with him on the counter and I talk to him and tell him what this is and what that is and what you do with it to make this! He sits next to me while I fold my laundry and he copies with his.

On the flip side, I try to be a child at times too. I will do things like go in the backyard and dig for worms. Why? Because that's what my little boy wants to do? I get under big rocks because Puppy just knows there's some really cool bugs under there! We take walks to the pond in the morning because he wants to hunt for frogs on all the bushes. I wade in the muck at low tide because he wants to catch baby crabs. I draw pictures because a T-Rex is hard to draw. I take charge of the Creepy Crawler Oven for hours because there's more ways than one to create a bug. I do, because he loves me and I love him.

Puppy always has the best smile, from ear to ear. He always runs into my arms and says, "Mama!" when I get back from being gone. He always has a huge hug and a big kiss for me. When those big brown eyes of his look at me, I know he sees me. He sees me as I am, always. He loves me even so. He loves me unconditionally.

It's the moments when he snuggles up to me and wraps those little limbs of his around me, puts his nose up to my skin and takes a deep breath, touches those soft lips to my cheek that I truly know how much of a gift he is. I will not complain or discourage all that loving. The day will come soon enough when he wants me to park the car a block from school so the kids don't see!

Puppy, Puppy, I Love You!